Mar 7, 2018

Battling With Your Own Self

Personality difference is what many people still find it very difficult to deal with. Even among our family members and siblings. If you have big family members, can you imagine how your parents have to take care of you and your brothers and sisters? How they need to ensure that they have fulfilled their children’s needs and wants based on everyone’s personal interest? To make it fair so that there will be no one feels hurt? This I could say somehow a crazy thing to do. Your parents are not only battling with their own self but also battling with their children, emotionally and physically.

Now, let’s talk about battling personally with your own self. It’s only you and it has to be you no matter what. You are stuck, either you want to be what you want to be or you want to be what other people want you to be. And this has to be the problem. This is what differ you from other people. At some point, you don’t even know your true self, your personalities, and your interests. People around you are expecting that you will achieve a higher level in your life (eg: higher level job position, achieve a higher level of education background, a rich spouse, a grand marriage) and all those “high-high” things in the world which is sometimes totally different from what you have ever wanted. For them, all those “high-high” things are normally measured by how much money you earn and how much money you spend. At the end, you will realize that you have been dragged to the point where you have no confidence at all and you have such a very low self-esteem.


I have been encountered by so many people, mostly among my friends, who had no confidence at all and had very low self-esteem. They would think that they’re lacking in so many areas and even didn’t have any courage to talk with other people. They would say that people around them always belittle them if they wanted to achieve something until they’re afraid to try and challenge their own self. I would say that they’re suffering from social anxiety.

I’m not saying that I have a very high self-esteem. To be honest, I was thinking so hard to come out with this topic on my blog. People kept telling me to come out with a new entry about self-esteem on my blog but my mind told me that “how can I talk about being confidence and have high self-esteem if I’m currently have such a low self-esteem and zero confidence?”. There were times when I had negative thoughts about myself, kept thinking why I am such a fool who didn’t know how to do this and that. There were times when I was still studying in university I kept on blaming myself for not being a smart student and not achieving a very good pointer. There were times when I wanted to give up in searching for jobs and the list goes on. Yes I couldn’t escape myself from having negative thoughts sometimes. However, you can’t be a very weak person for most of the times. People will take you for granted. You have to gather back all your courages and surround yourself with positive vibes.

The most important thing to do for you to always have your confidence and have high self-esteem is stop comparing yourself with other people. Last month, I gave random questions to my friends and one of the questions was about what makes them have such a very low self-esteem. I was so shocked to receive the answers. All of them were saying that they kept looking at other people life with their envious eyes, and then started to compare their life with others. Such common things, like “Why she’s prettier than me?”, “Why can’t I be pretty just like her?”, “Why he/she lives a life which is better than me?”, and all started with why this, why that, why me and more WHYs to come.

Now I want to ask you, why you never had such a grateful moment in your life and why you couldn’t be happier than others and just being confident with your life?

The answer is simple. Because you keep on comparing yourself with other people who lives a better life than you. This is so, seriously very bad. So, what you are going to do to make you feel contentment in living such a simple yet grateful life? Remember, all you have to do is comparing yourself, your own life with other people who is less fortunate than you. Why?? Because only by this way, you will start to feel grateful with your life, your current situation and you will be thankful with what God has blessed you. It’s not like we want to look down on them who are less fortunate and poorer than us, it will somehow teach you something valuable in your life. You will start wanting to do goods for others once you are grateful with what you had.

Source: Guppy Girl

I am very attracted to the Six Pillars of Self-Esteem proposed by Nathaniel Branden. I am not able to get the book but you can find it in the YouTube. 

After watching this video, you will notice that all those six pillars of self-esteem are started with "The practice of...." and this shows that, if you wanted to be more confident, more cheerful, more successful and even more greatest things happen in your life, YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE!

Don't simply practice without knowing your purpose. Practice and overcome your weaknesses until you feel like you wanted to vomit again and again. There's no use for you to attend and listen to various seminars or events or talks about improving and knowing your personalities if you don't practice the knowledge at all. Yes, someone could give you the steps in overcoming your fears, how to be confident, and so on. But how about you yourself? Did you ever try to practice all those things to overcome your fear and weaknesses? If you wanted to be loved by others, then you have to love yourself first. Know your responsibilities in order to gain your confidence back.

If I have to say what is the main cause for many teenagers nowadays to have such a low self-esteem and keep on blaming themselves, I would say that the existence of social medias itself especially instagram, where many people post their photos at beautiful places, their "luxury lifestyle look-alike" and the list goes on. I admit it; that sometimes I had the feeling "why I couldn't be like him/her and why I couldn't get the things just like him/her?" and these were all before. Now that I look back, just be yourself and no need to try hard to be fit enough like other people lifestyle. For me, it is okay to post anything on social medias and social medias are good if you doing it for good purposes, spreading positive news and vibes. However, teenagers especially, have their desires to fit themselves with other people life. They did not want to miss any chances for them to be "looking good" in other people's eyes. They even sometimes.. I would like to say competing towards each other like following current trends and who is currently more up-to-date so that people will look up with a great respect because you are rich enough... Maybe. 

Accept who you are, know yourself better, and learn to improve yourself not for the sake of others, but for the sake of yourself and your own future. I wish you all the best and good luck in whatever you are taking right now! 👍


Dec 20, 2017

One Chapter Closed

All those travelling, exploring, island hopping and other not-so-adventurous things I'd done for the past few years in Sabah were for this one BIG occasion in my life. Some of my friends even wondered the purpose of my existence in Sabah especially when they looked through my instagram posts. I kept going back and forth from Perak to Sabah to Perak and to Sabah again.

Oh well.....




I'm officially graduated!

Today marks exactly one month after my graduation day. A month ago, on 20 November 2017, my friends and I were officially alumni of University Malaysia Sabah. Our tough three years paid off! A big congratulations to all of us. 

To explore such an expensive and valuable experiences in school of business, I'd learned  that you need a strong and unique image to be able to survive and sustain in such a competitive market. You must be able to come out with loads of creative ideas for future development and bring good to others. Stuck in the same surroundings without any improvement won't give you any better. 
I'd never thought that I was able to went through all those hardships. I was diving in the tons of tasks and assignments given, swallowing the harsh and cursing words from people around me, redo the tasks given again and again, and etc. But those criticisms and hurtful moments made me strong enough to face this uni life and learned how to manage everything on my own, and maybe with little help from my friends for sure.

To be frank, I want to thank my friends who have been through a lot during our hard time together, who were always cheered me up whenever I was feeling down and devastated. They're truly amazing! It's more than words. The situation getting worst when I missed my mom and my home, at that time I couldn't finish my work properly so they're the person who would push me and motivate me in a very strict way!

I was once imagined that the whole family, my mom, my sisters and brothers would be attending my graduation day to witness me walking on the stage to receive the scroll. However, they're not able to do so because of some circumstances happened at that time. Whatever it is, I'm thankful enough and this is for them. They're my biggest supporters!
Thank you to Mel's family, a bouquet of flower from them  made me cry a river. A hug from her mom and sisters touched my heart very much. At least I got a hug from someone's mom. Lol! Right after the event I made a phone call with my mom and gave it all out.

Deep inside my heart, I wanted to present this to my late dad but I believe he's in a better place right now. I pray that Allah will grant you the highest place in Heaven. I miss you, Abah. ❤

So right now, this is the real world that I'll be facing with. Hopefully all is well and I believe that Allah has a better plan for me. In shaa Allah.

💌 Syahirah

Oct 26, 2017


A thought of being active back in writing blog always bothered me these few days. It happened when a close acquaintance of mine saw my blog and read through all my entries from past few years. She even asked me to write and update s'more. At that moment, I was dying of embarrassment to hear that. The fact that I started blogging when I was 16 y/o was just for fun with no sense of maturity at all. Can you just imagine?

By the way, I've successfully deleted all those entries and this will be my first entry.😃

I decided to put a stop in blogging when I got an offer to study back in 2014. This marked one of the most beautiful journeys in my life. I decided to further study in Sabah which I knew I'll be staying far away from my family and friends. From West to East Malaysia, Perak to Sabah, I believe some of you especially young teenagers are not willing to take any risks from being far away from your parents and family. Well, same goes to my mom. Reflecting the moment, my mom even tried to stop me from going there and even persuaded me to find any nearest university. Because of what? Just because of the distance and of course, it's a bit costly but a "hard-hearted" me insisted to go there. 

"The hardest decision always leads to the most beautiful journey in our life".

Throwing myself into an unfamiliar situations was not a joke but I am the one who decided to do so, so let just go with the flow. Stepping on new grounds, inhaling the fresh air, facing new lifestyle from the locals and learning about different cultures, races and religions gave me a new and different vibe which let me know more about the other "faces of Malaysia".

I bet some of you would say that "Well, it still Malaysia and it doesn't give any difference at all!". Okay, I got it! But for me, this opportunity only comes once in a lifetime and I would like to appreciate it very much. Everywhere I go, there'll be something worth to learn and explore.

"What's good about Sabah?"

A word from me, AMAZING!!

And here I'd love to conclude what it was like for me to stay in Sabah, mostly as a student and as a tourist also *maybe*. Those are not easily forgotten and I would say that Sabah is my second home since I'd left with too much memories.

#1 See things differently
For me, I was just too excited with the thought of staying there for 3 years. But for the first time, I struggled to understand the dialects used by Sabahans. For my very first semester in university, at that time, I realized language barrier hit me so hard which made me difficult to communicate with local people. My decision to move alone without any friends, to observe, to adapt and to learn all by myself about languages, cultures, races, and religions for the whole semester helped me a lot. In West Malaysia, most people only being familiar with Malay, Indian and Chinese but in Sabah, it's totally different! There're various races and religions that you can't even simply recognize them. Dusun, Rungus, Sungai, Kadazan, Sino-Kadazan, Bajau, Bugis and etc. It's just so beautiful to see that they're able to live peacefully without any kind of racism. It's somehow a little bit hard to find that kind of atmosphere here in West Malaysia. (You got what I mean..?) I didn't simply approach other people at that time to avoid any mistakes and misunderstandings. My room mate was my source of knowledge and I depended on her too much. LOL!
But after my first semester, I'm a pro now and able to blend well with Sabahans and even some of them think that I'm a Sabahan! 😆
Make new friends especially with Sabahans, learn s'more from them, asking what dos & don'ts, and go try and do it by yourself! Try and error will give you no harms. Trust me!

#2 Always have each other back
It's kind of hard to stay away from your parents, especially when you're not feeling well and when you're in the worst situation ever until you feel like giving up is the only choice you have at that time. The best decision to do when going through this phase is having a close, supportive friend with you who is willing to cheer you up and able to build up your confidence back. Keep in mind that those friends are always with you no matter what, in ups and downs, you guys are always have each other back. Don't you ever try to turn them down.
Alhamdulillah, I was lucky enough to be surrounded with those kind of friends, no matter what their personalities, always being understanding and comforted me when I was feeling miserable. And actually, to describe my feelings towards them are more than words. Truly my sisters!

The fact that they're all Sabahans while I'm the only one from West is enough to amaze me!
#3 Be prepared for an unexpected situation
Reflecting on what happened two years ago in 2015, that was the first time I received the most texts and upcoming calls from family, relatives and friends who were asking about my current situation. To experience a big and sudden tremors during that time, it was totally unexpected not only from me but also for Sabahans. And I'm very sure, Malaysians too were shocked with this incident. No need for me to tell more about this (since you guys can Google the news) because it was a very heart-breaking news to think about those victims. By the way, that incident always being one of the most unforgettable moments. It was very thrilled and interesting to experience such new thing.
Remember that you can't just having fun because anything can happen when you're planning on a beautiful journey. Maybe my intention was a bit wrong at that time, just wanted to have fun and didn't want to study harder. So God gave me a reminder by this way.
Just a quick example; having fun at waterfall, laughing here and there with no mercy at all but suddenly boom! Maybe you or your friend got sudden sprained ankle or whatever it is. Nauzubillah min zalik.

#4 Go travel
Got free times? Go travel! I do believe that travelling is not an easy thing to do when you're just a student with zero income, especially when you're fully depends on the scholarship. Same goes to me. But if you can manage your financial well enough, go travel and explore something new. Be familiar with the place you're currently staying. Travel to make you see the beautiful of the world. It doesn't mean you need to spend a big amount of money, as long as it worth your time. It can be hiking, picnic, island hopping or join any volunteering activities. Anything you feel you want to do, just do it with no doubts at all! When there's a semester break especially a week holiday only, I decided not to go back to my hometown in Perak since it took so much time and very costly for me. Mid-semester break I usually had a plan with my friends to travel around Sabah. There're too many beautiful places around Sabah which worth my time to explore. But still too many I couldn't able to catch up because of the time constraint. Believe me by doing so, it could heal your heart and keep your mind in peace. Appreciate the moments where you can mingle around with your friends. Take the chance to be thankful and grateful to the Almighty God for His beautiful creation and each step you take.

#5 Keep your mind Positive
No matter how tough it is for you to face, always keep your mind POSITIVE. Far away from family, had to face with some friends who were not worth to be friend with, struggled to achieve the best result in your academic and the list goes on. All these things taught me to be strong and stay positive even the situation gave you too many reasons to not to be. For others, your struggles might seem normal, but it's not normal for you. Everyone has his/her own definition and it's shaped by culture, by family and friends, by character and experience, by events and a thousand other things. By all means, think thoroughly and you'll eventually find your ways how to handle the struggles. My struggles as a university student might be different from you, and it also might be the same. Well, it's somehow difficult for me to describe. Whatever it is, be positive and surround yourself with positive people. One small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day!

I realized that there're too many things to tell about my worthy three years in Sabah, it'd be such a long entry. But here are some points which I think it gave a big impact for me to experience one of the most beautiful and memorable journeys in my life. By the way, I'll be back to Sabah this upcoming November for my convocation ceremony. Can't wait! 

💌 Syahirah